ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
