ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize