Swine flu. Run for my life!
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
