Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
