At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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