we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
