3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
