this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
