some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize