i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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