This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Randomize
