Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Randomize