I can't watch pbs sober anymore
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
