Moan for me like Helen Keller
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
