you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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