Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
3 2 1 whiskey
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize