Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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