I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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