Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
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