Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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