u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
