I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
