I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
