I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
