Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
