If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
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