Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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