i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
