Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Two words: blizzard sex
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
