Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
soo... how was my night?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
