I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I did not marry a roomba.
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