i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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