Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
tequila makes me forget i have legs
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
