Can i not drive my cunt home
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
