I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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