You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
