I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
