He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
