I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
