I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Porn is love you can see.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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