Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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