it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
