So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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