I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
