you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
