It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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