I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
