He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
