In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize