she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
