There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
