my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
accomplished twins. life is a go
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
