Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
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