I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
