I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
i think i just lost a toe
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
