She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
All I want is dick and wine.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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