I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
