sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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