so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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