Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
