I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Randomize
