My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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