i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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