I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
two words...techno handjob
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
