Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
