just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
