WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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