Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
