Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
