My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize