Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
