I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
