i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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