I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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