i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I smell like Dick and happiness
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
