remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
