Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
