He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
