I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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