Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
