community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize