is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
